A Note Before You Read
This was the very first post I ever wrote.
At the time, our life felt like one long crisis. I was exhausted. I was angry. I was surviving more than thriving.
I’m choosing to leave most of this post intact because it represents a very real season of our life. But I’ve grown since then. Our family has grown. And while the chaos hasn’t disappeared, my perspective has shifted.
If you’re new here, welcome to our messy, blended, imperfect, always-figuring-it-out life.
I Am Mom. I Am Step Mom. I Am Tired.
I am mom and stepmom.
I am a wife and an ex-wife.
I am a working mom just wading through life on a daily basis and making the best life I can for my husband, my children, and myself.
There are never enough hours in the day.
There is never enough energy.
And somehow there is always one more thing that needs handled.
My life can be a chaotic nightmare that I would choose over and over again.
At the time I wrote this, I described it as a sh*t show.
Honestly?
Some days it still is.
The Big, Blended Family Life
I have eight children. (Actually nine, but that’s a story for another time.)
Mr. Chaos and I have been married for six years. We built a blended family that looks beautiful on paper and complicated in real life.
Our oldest chaos is 24.
Our youngest chaos is five.
We live in a small fixer-upper on the edge of a Midwest city. It sits on a decent piece of land filled with play equipment, abandoned toys, and the kind of yard that tells the story of a childhood in progress.
Our house is small.
It’s loud.
It’s imperfect.
And it is full of love — as corny as that sounds.
It has watched three kids grow up and leave while protecting the younger ones still finding their way.
Marriage, Growth, and Choosing Each Other
Mr. Chaos and I have had our issues.
Life was chaotic from the beginning. Finalizing divorces that dragged on longer than they should have. A stalker ex-husband. Extended family members who didn’t love the idea of our blended life.
There were good days.
There were angry days.
There were seasons where we were simply surviving side by side.
But we choose each other daily.
Not perfectly.
Not magically.
Intentionally.
And in a blended family, intentional matters.
The Day Job
I work for a large company that manufactures construction equipment.
It’s detailed computer work. Quiet. Structured.
And I love it.
It balances my home life perfectly because at work, I am not responsible for everyone’s emotional well-being. I am not solving custody logistics. I am not scheduling five different things at once.
It is the calm in my chaos.
My family still can’t fully explain what I do for a living despite nearly a decade in the field — but that’s okay.
I know what I do.
And I’m good at it.
The Hard Season That Started This Blog
When I first started writing, we were in the middle of a custody battle involving two of our middle children.
We had taken them full-time after realizing their other home was not what we hoped it was.
We believe deeply in 50/50 parenting. We wanted that. We fought for that.
But reality forced us to see things clearly.
There was trauma to navigate.
Evidence to organize.
Court dates to prepare for.
And a weight that sat on my chest daily while I tried to hold everything together.
Most of the documentation and organizing fell on me. I needed somewhere to process the anger and the disappointment we had ignored for too long.
This blog became that outlet.
The kids are safe. They are protected. And that matters more than anything.
Why Money Matters (More Than I Like to Admit)
Life costs money.
Big families cost more.
Extracurriculars, lawyers, remodeling projects, groceries for what feels like a small army — it adds up quickly.
We have promised our kids a home addition for years. Every time we get close financially, something knocks us back down.
Court fees. Emergencies. Life.
I don’t want to work just to survive.
I don’t want to panic over every unexpected expense.
I want breathing room.
I want margin.
I want stability for our kids — both the grown ones and the little ones.
That desire is part of why this blog exists too.
I’ve Been Told to Write for Years
For over twenty years, people have told me I should write a book.
So instead, I started here.
Between a full-time job, my husband’s manufacturing night shift, his small business, competition dance schedules, regular dance schedules, planning weddings, managing medical appointments, and everything else that comes with a large blended family…
I became a blogger.
My goal was simple:
Process the chaos.
Protect my mental health.
Make some extra money.
Maybe help someone else feel less alone.
Why I Stay Anonymous
I keep this blog anonymous for my family’s protection.
Going public with my life means bringing everyone with me.
And this is my journey to share — not theirs.
So I write honestly, but I protect carefully.
That balance matters to me.
So Here We Are
Our life is chaotic.
It’s loud.
It’s complicated.
Sometimes it’s overwhelming.
But it’s ours.
And if you’re here reading this, welcome.
Take a peek into our chaos.
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