Photo by Yulia Gadalina on Unsplash
Disclaimer
This post was originally written during an incredibly stressful time in our lives while we were navigating court, custody changes, and everything that came with it. The emotions in this post were real and raw in that moment. I have cleaned it up slightly for readability, but I chose to keep the heart of the post intact because it reflects what that year truly felt like for our family.
It has almost been a year since we took the girls full-time.
So much has happened since then.
My oldest got engaged.
My daughter barely graduated high school.
Competition dance keeps growing and demanding more time.
Mr. Chaos’ side business took a huge hit and he is still working nights.
I have been in survival mode for so long, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel… and it just kept getting pushed back.
There’s a difference between being busy and living in survival mode — and I didn’t fully understand that until life started piling everything on at once.
We finally went to trial for the custody modification and heard back from the court a couple weeks ago.
Mr. Chaos was awarded physical custody.
Like everything else involving his ex-wife, the trial itself was a hot mess.
The court also ordered a decent amount of child support, which should help take some of the financial sting out of suddenly having the girls full-time — assuming she sticks around and actually pays it.
It has been a year of money struggles, but we are trying not to let it pull us under.
Weddings, Graduations, and Trying to Show Up
About a year ago, my oldest daughter set a firm date for her wedding.
I have tried to be as present and helpful as possible, but adding two kids full-time hit me harder than I expected.
Now we are less than three months away and the final planning is in full swing.
I am excited. I want to help with everything.
But the reality is that I am only one person.
God help me.
Trying to show up for every milestone while carrying the weight of everything else is something I’ve written about before.
The Graduation Party
All the birthday parties I have thrown over the years finally paid off when it came time to plan the graduation party.
My daughter has shared birthday parties with her older sister her entire life. The one thing she asked for was an amazing graduation party to make up for that.
So that is exactly what she got — the best party I could pull together, with help from her stepmom.
At the end of the night she seemed happy and content. Like she finally had something that was just hers.
That meant everything to me.
A Year I Barely Remember
If I am being honest, I barely remember most of the last year.
I don’t know if that was trauma, exhaustion, or just the reality of being so busy that I never had time to stop and breathe.
I was a stressed-out hot mess.
Disorganized.
Overwhelmed.
Constantly feeling like I was forgetting something.
Dance classes.
Competition practices.
Dance competitions.
Dance recitals.
School concerts.
Orchestra concerts.
School conferences at three different schools.
Doctor appointments.
Dentist appointments.
Mediations.
Hearings.
Trial.
Lawyer meetings.
Therapy sessions.
Visits with their bio-mom.
It felt like it never stopped.
The Truth About What Happened
In a few short weeks it will mark the one-year anniversary of our lives changing forever.
His ex-wife is planning her exit from our hometown and now gets to blame Mr. Chaos for it.
But the judge saw through the lies and made the decision that was truly in the best interest of the children.
She chose a man over her children and had them covering for her in the process — putting them in danger.
All Mr. Chaos did was protect his daughters.
And thankfully, the judge saw that.
What This Year Taught Me About Survival Mode
Something I didn’t understand before this year is how long a family can live in survival mode.
When you are fighting court battles, protecting kids, juggling school schedules, therapy, activities, and trying to keep your finances together, you don’t really stop to process what is happening.
You just keep moving.
You handle the next appointment.
The next court date.
The next crisis.
And somewhere in the middle of all of that, entire months pass by in a blur.
Looking back now, I realize we weren’t living normally.
We were surviving.
Protecting children during high-conflict seasons changes the way a family functions — sometimes for years.
What Comes Next
As I sit here typing this, I feel something I haven’t felt in a long time.
Relief.
I know money may get tight again and we will have to keep figuring things out as we go. But for the moment, I have a few weeks to breathe and plan.
After living in fight mode for so long, I am honestly not sure how to react.
Part of me is relieved.
Part of me wonders if what I am feeling is more than just relief.
I might be burnt out.
But that is something I will unpack another day.
For now, another year of dance and school is right around the corner.
And for the first time in a long time, I am looking forward to settling into whatever our new normal becomes.
No more court.
No more constant battles with an entitled bio-mom.
Just working alongside Mr. Chaos to keep strengthening our relationship and building the life we want for our family.
Leave a Reply