Photo by Hennie Stander on Unsplash
Disclaimer
This post was originally written closer to when these events happened. At the time, I was in the middle of the stress, court battles, and uncertainty that comes with high-conflict divorce and custody situations. Some of the emotions in this story reflect that moment in time.
Today, I’m sharing this as part of our family’s history — not because the anger defines me, but because the experience shaped the boundaries and perspective I have now. If you are navigating something similar, know that the early stages can feel chaotic and unfair, but things can stabilize over time.
In our state, the minimum time to get divorced is three months.
Someone files.
Mediation happens.
The judge signs off.
Bam — you are divorced.
If children are involved, add something called the Child in the Middle class and you’re good to go.
Most divorces I know about, even if there was fighting, were finished after the court-ordered mediation. Most people can’t afford a trial, let alone months of mediation and hearings.
But that wasn’t how Mr. Chaos and Ex-wife 2’s divorce went.
Mr. Chaos and Ex-wife 2’s Divorce
Mr. Chaos had:
- mediation for temporary matters
- a temporary matters hearing
- trial mediation
- and a two-day trial
You would think there were thousands of dollars and properties attached to their names. Maybe a two-decade marriage.
Nope.
They were together for four years and married for two.
They separated for a couple of months and lived apart before trying again. They lived paycheck to paycheck and still ended up in a two-day trial.
Ex-wife 2 would not compromise on custody of 5 and 6.
She wanted him to pay in exchange for 50/50 custody.
Separated but Still Living Together
While separating, Mr. Chaos and his ex-wife established a 50/50 routine with the kids.
He never skipped a night.
Every other weekend he would leave and stay with me or another friend to give her space in the home.
Her reasoning was that it would be awkward for him to sleep downstairs if she wanted to bring a guy home.
He was already gone on weekends.
So… was she talking about weekdays?
Ex-wife 2 first tried to lock him out of the home.
Then she had her father try to force him out.
Meanwhile, Mr. Chaos was paying the majority of the bills and his paycheck was being directly deposited into a checking account only she had access to.
She wanted the check.
Just not the man.
The Apartment That Never Existed
Within six weeks he took control of his finances and secured an apartment.
An apartment that, to this day, Ex-wife 2 claims never existed — even though she had been there and saw the lease during trial.
She has tried to rewrite that part of history so much that 5 asked questions about it for years.
The apartment was barely furnished, but it was enough for 1, 5, and 6 to be comfortable. He was on a tight budget.
Ex-wife 2 kept nearly everything from the house.
He left with:
- one TV
- a TV stand
- his PS4
He asked for clothes and toys for the kids.
She gave him mismatched clothing and toys covered in fingernail polish.
He did get 1’s comforter set from her bed.
Small victories.
What Was Supposed to Be the First Night
The girls were supposed to stay with Mr. Chaos at his new apartment for the first time.
We drove to her parents’ house to pick them up.
I parked across the street while he went to the door.
A few minutes later I heard yelling.
Then screaming.
Then threats.
He came back without them.
The next day he filed for a temporary matters hearing.
He told me the girls were standing at the door when he knocked. His soon-to-be ex-father-in-law began screaming and cursing.
The girls started sobbing.
Their grandmother grabbed them and took them to the back of the house.
Parenting Time Withheld
The next day Ex-wife 2 ignored his calls.
No one was home at her parents’ house or her house.
He texted her letting her know he had filed with the court and she could not legally withhold the children.
Suddenly she claimed she didn’t trust him with the girls.
For six months while they were still living together — as long as she was getting his paycheck — he took care of the girls on their agreed schedule.
The moment he moved out and stopped financially supporting her, she hid them and said she didn’t trust him to care for them.
She Was Served
The following week he picked up the girls on his scheduled time with no problems.
At bedtime, Ex-wife 2 showed up at his apartment — the one she claims never existed — trying to take the kids back.
She said she only approved a few hours of visitation.
He told her he would return them the next morning and continue the same overnight schedule they had while living together.
From that point forward:
He never missed another parenting day.
Advice for Parents Separating
For parents navigating separation:
- Always secure a place where your children can stay overnight.
- Never skip parenting time.
- Keep communication focused on the children.
- Maintain boundaries.
- Document everything.
If the other parent withholds the children, file for temporary matters immediately.
I’m not a lawyer. This is just personal experience from going through it.
Ex-wife 2 Withholding Information
When 5 started preschool, it should have been exciting.
Instead, Mr. Chaos knew nothing about it.
He didn’t know:
- the school
- the teacher
- the start date
I suggested he start calling local preschools.
He found her school and added himself to her records.
He requested copies of everything.
Ironically, her preschool teacher was a friend of mine.
From that point forward he didn’t miss anything — or so we thought.
Until the following June when we discovered she had a preschool graduation that he never knew about.
The paperwork had been removed from the backpack.
We were attending another child’s school event that night while he should have been watching his daughter graduate preschool.
You can’t get those moments back.
Temporary Matters
Ex-wife 2 refused mediation.
A hearing was scheduled.
The judge awarded:
- joint legal custody
- 50/50 physical custody
- the same schedule they had been following for months
The Trial
Months later mediation failed again.
A trial date was set.
Mr. Chaos’ lawyer felt confident the 50/50 arrangement would remain.
I was seven months pregnant at the time.
We got engaged knowing we couldn’t marry until the divorce was finalized.
People can judge that if they want.
Both of them had moved on.
But the divorce kept dragging because custody meant child support.
“Will Trade Kids for Cash”
One night Ex-wife 2 texted him offering 50/50 again.
Her condition:
$1,000 a month in child support
and she would receive full legal custody.
He refused.
Children are not possessions to be sold.
He was already paying $800 monthly in support for another child.
If he agreed to that arrangement he would have had about $400 left to live on.
Her response:
“Don’t you think dads should have to pay for their kids?”
Of course parents should financially support their children.
But they should also support them emotionally and allow relationships with both parents.
The Outcome
The trial lasted two days.
Witnesses were called.
In the end, the judge ruled:
- joint legal custody
- 50/50 physical custody
- everything split evenly
After thousands in legal fees and months of stress…
She received $50 a month in child support.
According to state guidelines the maximum he would have owed was $132.
Life After the Divorce
When his lease ended, 1, 5, and 6 moved in with 2, 3, 4 and me after #7 was born.
Life felt stressful back then.
But we had no idea it was the calm before the storm.
The $16,000 Garnishment
Three weeks after our wedding, Mr. Chaos was served with garnishment paperwork for $16,000.
I was devastated.
We had just spent every dollar we had on the wedding.
The paperwork listed the divorce decree as the judgment — but Ex-wife 2 wasn’t owed money.
Her mother’s name had been handwritten over hers.
They were claiming childcare expenses and a personal loan he knew nothing about.
Eventually the claims were dismissed.
More lawsuits were filed.
Those were dismissed too.
The Lasting Effects
For years afterward I couldn’t answer the phone without anxiety.
A knock on the door made my heart race.
Even today, getting the mail takes courage.
That part of the story deserves its own post someday.
Seven Years Later
Seven years later we were finally close to building our home addition.
Then last year the custody modification happened and everything paused again.
Now 5 and 6 live with us full-time.
Rose-Colored Glasses
Looking back, we missed a lot of red flags.
We knew what Ex-wife 2 was capable of.
But I believed she loved the girls enough to put them first.
As a mother, I will do everything possible to support my children.
I assumed she would too.
A Message for Parents
Love your children more than you hate their other parent.
Divorce changes people.
It can make someone bitter and angry if they let it.
But children deserve parents who rise above that.
Go to therapy.
Talk to friends.
Join support groups.
Do what you need to do so your children don’t carry the weight of adult bitterness.
Because someday:
- they will graduate
- they will get married
- they will celebrate milestones
And they shouldn’t have to worry about where their parents are sitting.
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