This Wasn’t New
At a recent hockey game, we tried to avoid a situation.
Instead, it escalated.
We were leaving, heading toward the only exit—and found ourselves blocked at the doors by grandparents we’ve had ongoing issues with. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t a scene. But it was intentional, and it forced an interaction we had been actively trying to avoid.
I wrote more about that moment here:
👉We Tried to Avoid Them but They Blocked the Only Exit
But that night?
It wasn’t new.
It wasn’t even surprising.
Because what happened at that game wasn’t a one-time incident.
It’s part of a pattern that’s been happening for years.
What People Don’t See
If you only saw one moment—like what happened at the hockey game—it probably wouldn’t look like harassment.
There’s no yelling.
No threats.
No clear line being crossed.
Nothing that would make someone step in and say, “that’s not okay.”
And that’s exactly why it continues.
Because what people don’t see isn’t just the moment—
it’s the pattern.
What Was Said vs What Actually Happened
There was a therapy session early on.
Grandma cried.
Said she would do whatever it took to see her grandchildren.
👉 The First Family Therapy Session
And if you only saw that moment?
You’d probably believe her.
But what happened after tells a different story.
Throughout the eleven months we were in court, she never reached out to Mr. Chaos once.
Not once.
She barely texted the girls.
No checking in.
No “how are you doing?”
No real effort to understand what they were going through.
Then custody changed.
Mr. Chaos was awarded full physical custody.
And still—nothing.
It wasn’t until two years later, after bio mom cut off the girls’ phones, that grandma finally reached out to him.
And even then, it wasn’t concern.
It wasn’t accountability.
It wasn’t an attempt to rebuild trust.
It was a request.
A timeline.
She wanted time with the girls when she got back from camping—
like nothing had happened.
Like trust didn’t need to be rebuilt.
Like relationships don’t require accountability.
Because the truth is—
she knew what needed to happen.
She knew what the girls needed.
She knew what Mr. Chaos needed in order to feel safe allowing that relationship again.
But instead of doing those things…
they told other people they had done nothing wrong.
That they were just loving, caring grandparents being kept away from their grandchildren.
Why This Was So Complicated
And to understand why this all feels so complicated…
you have to understand how involved they were.
This wasn’t occasional grandparent time.
This was constant.
A lot of the time, what was supposed to be their mom’s parenting time… wasn’t really with their mom.
It was with the grandparents.
Holidays were at their house.
Before school, the girls were dropped off there so grandma could take them.
When 5 started middle school, the bus dropped her off there.
If their mom’s husband was in town, we were told the girls stayed with grandma and grandpa.
(We later found out that wasn’t always true.)
Even things that were supposed to be handled by their mom—
first day of school outfits
haircuts
shoes
winter coats
—were often done by grandma instead.
They weren’t just grandparents in the background.
They were deeply involved in the day-to-day.
And for a long time, that made everything feel normal.
Until it didn’t.
It Was Never Just One Thing
That’s the hardest part to explain.
Because there isn’t one moment I can point to and say—that’s it.
It’s not one big incident.
It’s not one clear line crossed.
It’s years.
Years of things that, on their own, don’t look like much.
But together?
They change everything.
This didn’t start at the hockey game.
It didn’t even start during court.
It started years ago.
Back when Mr. Chaos and I were newly married.
And it never really stopped.
The Kind of Harassment No One Sees
This is the kind of harassment that doesn’t make you fear for your life.
It’s not loud.
It’s not obvious.
It’s not something you can easily explain to someone else and have them immediately understand.
It’s the kind that keeps you on edge.
Every minute.
Every time you walk into a public place.
Every time your kids leave your sight.
It’s your head on a constant swivel.
Because you know what they do.
You’ve seen it before.
The Moments That “Aren’t a Big Deal”
There was a game where 6 and 7 went to the bathroom.
And like always, I was watching.
Making sure grandparents were still in their seats before my kids walked away.
Because that’s what this has turned into.
Monitoring.
Anticipating.
Trying to stay one step ahead of something that technically “isn’t happening.”
One time, I looked away for a second too long.
When I looked back—
grandma was gone.
I didn’t think.
I just moved.
Straight to the bathroom.
Because I already knew what she was trying to do.
And sure enough—
she showed up at our bathroom.
Trying to “run into” the girls.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened either.
👉 Adults Intimidating Children at a Hockey Game
Another time, grandpa got up for a beer.
Except he didn’t go back to his seat.
He walked down the hallway that leads directly to ours.
And just stood there.
Beer in hand.
Waiting.
Not saying anything.
Not doing anything.
Just… standing there.
So I turned.
Checked my kids.
Made sure they were safe.
Made sure they were still laughing like nothing was wrong.
Because to them—
nothing had happened.
And that’s the part people don’t understand.
This has been happening over three hockey seasons.
They know exactly what they’re doing.
And they stay just inside the line.
And if you look at any one of these moments by itself?
It doesn’t seem like much.
Coincidence.
Overthinking.
That’s what people would say.
But It’s Not Just One Moment
Because it’s not just one moment.
It’s all of them.
👉 The Day Toxic Grandma Showed Up at Our Door
It’s the pattern.
The timing.
The repetition.
The way it keeps happening just enough to never cross the line—
but never stops either.
Living In The In-Between
We have filed a police report.
We’ve brought what we have—
screenshots of grandma coming to our home after she was told not to
the cards sent to the girls
the handwritten note that said, “we will remember you, but will you remember us?”
They’ve been warned.
Officially.
And now?
We document everything.
Every “small” moment.
Every near miss.
Every situation that, on its own, doesn’t qualify as harassment—
but together tells a very different story.
Because that’s where we live now.
In the in-between.
Where it’s not enough yet…
but it’s already too much.
And the only thing we can do is keep records, protect our kids, and wait for the moment they finally cross the line far enough that someone else sees it too.
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