We walked into therapy hoping it would help.
Not fix everything overnight. Not magically erase what had happened.
But at least give 5 and 6 a safe place to say what they needed to say.
We thought it would give them space to tell their mom how they felt.
What they needed to build a relationship.
At the time, we thought we were rebuilding something.
Looking back… we realized they didn’t have much of a relationship to rebuild in the first place.
Still, we hoped therapy would help create something healthier moving forward.
And if we’re being honest… we also hoped it might keep things out of court.
That maybe, just maybe, everyone could come to an agreement without dragging the girls through a full trial.
Therapy Didn’t Start the Way It Should Have
Even getting to therapy wasn’t simple.
There were delays.
Changes in direction.
Agreements that suddenly disappeared.
Therapists were suggested… then rejected.
Programs were offered… then replaced with waitlists.
Months passed.
At one point, the court had to step in just to push the process forward.
By the time therapy actually started, we weren’t walking in fresh and hopeful anymore.
We were walking in exhausted… and already a little uneasy.
If you want to see how the very first session actually went, you can read more here:
The First Family Therapy Session
The Red Flags Didn’t Start Big
At first, nothing looked obviously wrong.
It was small things.
Mr. Chaos wasn’t included in sessions the way he should have been.
I wasn’t included at all, despite being part of the girls’ daily lives for years.
And then something didn’t sit right.
We started hearing things that didn’t line up.
The therapist told Mr. Chaos she “couldn’t believe” what he was saying because Ex-Wife 2 was saying something different.
And that was the first moment things shifted.
Because therapy isn’t supposed to be about choosing which adult to believe.
It’s supposed to be about helping the kids feel safe enough to tell the truth.
Looking back, there were signs early on that something wasn’t right. I break those down more here: Family Therapy Red Flags Parents Should Watch For
When the Kids Finally Spoke Up
6 tried.
She showed up to one of the final sessions with a list.
Not attitude. Not anger.
Just a list of things she wanted to talk to her mom about.
One of those things was serious.
She asked her mom why she had driven drunk with them in the car.
That should have been a moment.
A moment for accountability.
A moment for honesty.
A moment for repair.
Instead, she was met with this:
Why didn’t you say something
at the time?
And then—
If it bothers you, I won’t do it again.
When Reality Gets Rewritten
It wasn’t just that one conversation.
It was everything on that list.
Every concern 6 brought up was either:
- denied
- minimized
- or turned back on her
Things didn’t happen the way she remembered.
Why didn’t she speak up sooner?
As if a child is supposed to challenge a parent in that moment.
As if it was her responsibility.
And while this was happening…
The therapist didn’t step in.
Didn’t redirect.
Didn’t ground the conversation.
Didn’t protect the space those girls were trying to use.
She just sat there.
That’s When Everything Changed
That was the last in-person session between 6 and her mom.
It’s been 19 months.
We did everything we were supposed to do.
We followed recommendations.
Included the girls’ lawyer.
Agreed to therapists.
Showed up to every session.
We gave the process every chance we could.
And nothing changed.
What It Did to the Girls
5 never trusted the therapist.
Not once.
She stayed guarded the entire time.
6 tried harder.
She walked in willing to talk.
Willing to be honest.
Willing to try.
And she left knowing it wasn’t helping.
After six months of therapy, the trust didn’t grow.
It got worse.
The more sessions they had with their mom…
the more they distrusted her.
Because the lies didn’t stop.
And they knew better.
They lived it.
That pattern of broken trust wasn’t new—it had been building long before therapy ever started. I wrote more about that here: Bio Mom Breaking Trust
It Stopped Feeling Like Therapy
At one point, the girls said something that stuck with me.
It felt like a visit with their mom… not therapy.
And that says everything.
Because they knew what therapy was supposed to feel like.
They had already experienced it with their individual therapist.
They knew what it meant to feel heard.
To feel safe.
To be supported.
And this wasn’t that.
The Part No One Talks About
Family therapy is often pushed as the solution.
And sometimes… it can be.
But not in every situation.
Not when one person refuses to be honest.
Not when the truth gets rewritten in real time.
Not when the kids are left to defend their own reality.
What We Learned the Hard Way
Looking back, there’s one thing I wish more parents understood:
Family therapy won’t work if everyone involved isn’t honest.
You can show up.
You can follow every recommendation.
You can do everything “right.”
But if the space isn’t safe for the truth…
It won’t heal anything.
And That Was the Hardest Part to Accept
We didn’t fail therapy.
Therapy was never allowed to work the way it was supposed to.
And once we realized that…
Everything changed.
Because at that point, it wasn’t about fixing the relationship anymore.
It was about protecting the girls from a space that was supposed to help them—but didn’t.
And that’s a decision we will never regret.
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