I thought I was angry.
Angry at work.
Angry at my husband.
Angry at my phone.
Angry at the endless notifications.
Angry at the dishes.
Angry at the laundry.
Angry at one more person asking me for one more thing.
But lately I’ve realized I’m not angry.
I’m overwhelmed.
Every Direction I Turn, Something Needs Me
Every direction I turn, something needs me.
A child needs me.
A job needs me.
A house needs me.
A relationship needs me.
My phone needs me.
My to-do list needs me.
Even the things I’m building for the future need me.
And the list never ends.
I cross one thing off and add two more.
Nothing is falling apart.
But nothing is ever finished either.
Sometimes it feels like my brain is carrying every appointment, every schedule change, every school event, every bill, every dance practice, every doctor’s appointment, every reminder, and every problem all at the same time.
I’ve written before about the invisible mental load parents carry.
The truth is that load doesn’t disappear just because you get better at carrying it.
Sometimes it just gets heavier.
The Part Nobody Talks About
I don’t dream about vacations.
I dream about silence.
I dream about not having to make decisions.
I dream about one day where nobody needs anything from me.
Not because I don’t love my family.
Not because I don’t care.
Not because I want to run away.
I’m just tired.
The kind of tired that makes deciding what to eat feel like work.
The kind of tired that makes scrolling on my phone easier than deciding what show to watch.
The kind of tired that leaves me staring at a to-do list while my brain tries to process twenty different thoughts at the same time.
I’ve talked before about what happens when your brain never seems to slow down.
Some days it feels like my mind has so many tabs open that I can’t even figure out where the music is coming from.
You Can Love Your Life and Still Feel Burned Out
The hardest part is the guilt.
Because I love my kids.
I love my family.
I would miss them if they were gone.
I don’t actually want to be alone forever.
I don’t want to stop being a mom.
I don’t want to stop showing up for the people I love.
That’s what makes burnout so confusing.
You can love your life and still feel crushed by the weight of carrying it.
You can be grateful and exhausted at the same time.
You can love your kids and still wish nobody needed anything from you for twenty-four hours.
I’ve written before about how much I love watching my kids grow up.
None of that changes just because I’m tired.
Maybe I’m Not Angry
Maybe I’m not angry.
Maybe I’m overwhelmed.
Maybe I’m exhausted.
Maybe I’ve been carrying too much for too long.
Maybe burnout doesn’t always look like giving up.
Maybe sometimes it looks like showing up every day while quietly wondering how much longer you can keep carrying everything.
Maybe it looks like crossing things off a list while adding twice as many back on.
Maybe it looks like smiling when people ask how you’re doing because explaining it feels harder than pretending you’re okay.
I don’t have a solution.
I don’t have a list of tips.
I don’t have a perfect ending.
I just know that lately I’ve realized I’m not angry at everyone.
I’m tired of being needed by everyone at the exact same time.
And maybe that’s a difference worth paying attention to.
Maybe I don’t need to become a different person.
Maybe I just need to stop carrying the weight of everyone and everything for a little while.
Long enough to remember what it feels like to think one thought at a time.
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